I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
