Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
