I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
