his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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