I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
