New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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