Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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