I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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