What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
