he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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