I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize