Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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