was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
