someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
