is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
