just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
