for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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