Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
