If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
