You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
