Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.

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(858): View more from California

Life is so much better after having sex.

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(303): View more from Colorado

who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(530): View more from California

he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.

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(951): View more from California

Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.

(1-951): View more from California

Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father

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(757): View more from Virginia

It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier

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