I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
