I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have poison ivy on my dick
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.