Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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