don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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