oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.