He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?