I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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