Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?

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(619): he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear? http://tfl.nu/9u5k

Replies (111) Good night (1547) Bad night (5627)
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(706): View more from Georgia

You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....

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(706): You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there.... http://tfl.nu/cfkl

Replies (10) Good night (3862) Bad night (927)
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(810): View more from Michigan

You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.

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(810): You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight. http://tfl.nu/18uj

Replies (4) Good night (3508) Bad night (986)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else

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(785): Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else http://tfl.nu/imin

Replies (8) Good night (2767) Bad night (1191)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.

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(503): I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together. http://tfl.nu/6ddq

Replies (15) Good night (1815) Bad night (731)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.

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(778): Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house. http://tfl.nu/6cay

Replies (6) Good night (783) Bad night (1156)
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(636): View more from Missouri

I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.

(636): View more from Missouri

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.

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(636): I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB. (636): I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE. http://tfl.nu/x3bf

Replies (8) Good night (752) Bad night (2005)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.

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(+44): I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home. http://tfl.nu/i339

Replies (3) Good night (1315) Bad night (405)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.

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(832): I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came. http://tfl.nu/1nw4

Replies (8) Good night (1028) Bad night (477)
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(757): View more from Virginia

No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.

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(757): No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance. http://tfl.nu/6tt7

Replies (0) Good night (838) Bad night (363)
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(810): View more from Michigan

So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.

(810): View more from Michigan

They're like sad pomegranates.

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(810): So I went tanning and I burned my boobs. (810): They're like sad pomegranates. http://tfl.nu/z57h

Replies (4) Good night (458) Bad night (1196)
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(858): View more from California

But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.

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(858): But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me. http://tfl.nu/68kv

Replies (11) Good night (1005) Bad night (467)
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(607): View more from New York

Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.

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(607): Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme. http://tfl.nu/vszb

Replies (4) Good night (808) Bad night (371)
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(805): View more from California

Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.

(805): View more from California

My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.

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(805): Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something. (805): My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket. http://tfl.nu/4z93

Replies (5) Good night (365) Bad night (678)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway

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(503): Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway http://tfl.nu/sill

Replies (0) Good night (521) Bad night (199)

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