SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...