Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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