Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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