I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
