That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize