you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
