The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
