Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
