She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You made out with two different species that night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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