My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
