That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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