Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
