he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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