I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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