Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
