You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
