Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
