Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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