wakey wakey hands off snakey
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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