You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.