i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad