You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!