Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.