he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.