u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
my liver is dry heaving
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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