Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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