My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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