Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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