im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
