She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
