I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
