But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I love you. Go after that dick
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
