just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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