you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
