can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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