Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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