There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
