is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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