It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
