just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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