Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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