and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
