im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
