so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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