I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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