he thought i was a dude.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
