Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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