Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
