Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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