And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
