I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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